It’s 5:07 AM and I am just too damn excited to fall asleep. The past two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind, but things are finally settling down; I even had my last classes of freshman year today! Now the only thing between me and summer are 3 exams. And of course, what better way to procrastinate studying for those than to do some self reflection and introspection?
It’s 5 in the morning as I write this, so forgive whatever gibberish my fingers may or may not be tapping out on the keyboard.
- My class crossed for SYZ! Such a relief to be on the other side, and its nice to be reassured that all of the things and people I had stuck around for actually real and present. I feel like this year has been largely about me trying to hash out what it means to be Asian American and the weird self imposed shame about not wanting to be “one of those Asians” and joining SYZ has definitely illuminated a lot of underlying thoughts and biases I had in place.
- MashUp Grant!!! To be honest, I wasn’t expecting ANYTHING to happen when I randomly posted about this on Common Origins’ facebook group. And now, two months later, we have a video of 3 amazing poetry/dance fusion pieces and honestly, I don’t think it’s ever going to get old to create something from scratch. This was also just a cool way for me to bridge my two non-academic passions, dance and spoken word, so yeah. Also v happy a because I feel it brought me closer to a lot of people I respect and admire as well
- Final Collective Show of the Year was beautiful and invigorating and throughout the past 10 messy weeks, my love of poetry and writing and my writing family has been the constant that kept me going. I’ve definitely noticed a shift in the subject matters I write about, which is interesting to me because I feel like I had been so defined by my previous subject matter that to move out of that is both a relief but also terrifying. I also wrote what I would say is the most difficult poem I’ve ever attempted for technical, emotional, and personal reasons. I’m glad that even though I continue to self indulge in this one thing I know I absolutely love, it doesn’t mean my growth (as a writer, person, performer, etc etc) has to be stagnated in any way.
- I’ve stopped falling asleep in class…as much This definitely isn’t as tangible as some of the other end goals I’ve tried to meet, but one big thing that was bothering me at the start of this quarter was how I didn’t feel like I was learning as much as I could’ve been and I was frustrated with myself that even though my classes were so interesting and my professors were great I kept falling asleep. So I stopped doing that! Just made more time for sleep and stopped trying to fool myself into thinking I could get away with a 3am-8am sleep schedule.
- I auditioned to be a choreographer for Common Origins…and I got in lol not even gonna attempt to summarize this in a paragraph, look out for a long ass follow-up post soon
In full transparency, it’s been stressful as shit but I do genuinely think all of the above things were worth the amount of pressure they put on me. I kept my promise to myself coming into college that I wouldn’t waste my time doing anything I didn’t absolutely love, and that’s what matters.
Plans for the summer and fall quarter are already sounding so exciting (Tahoe trips, independent study with one of my favorite teachers, my internship), and I am just…so absurdly grateful to be where I am right now. Doing things I love, surrounded by some of the best people I’ve ever met, both as friends and as amazing people in their own right, studying things that absolutely fascinate me, all on this beautiful campus that I get to call home for another three years.
If you had told me last May that I would be going to Stanford, taking a computer science course, joining a sorority, choreographing multiple hip hop dances, and doing all of those things WILLINGLY, I would’ve thought you were crazy. But the past year has honestly been the best 9 months of my life, and the one phrase that keeps running through my sleep deprived head right now is thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.